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The Onion

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you."

The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."

A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

Beach Week 8-1 to 8-8


August Celebrations

Happy Birthday!

August 2 - Mary Ann Theisen (1959)
August 4 - Jeffrey Paul Boteler (1982)
August 4 - Heidi Pike (1973)
August 5 - Donna Allison Lacey (1970)
August 9 - Lisa DiBari Kans (1972)
August 11 - Timothy William Boteler (1971)

August 12 - Kevin Robert Kans (1960)
August 13 - Ellen Zitzman Boteler  (1971)
August 15 - Megan Elizabeth Bowser (2000)
August 19 - Naomi Rebecca Boteler (1919-2010)
August 21 - Robert Emmett Kans, Jr. (1964)
August 21 - Dorothy M. Lacey (1946-2011)
August 22 - William Joseph Boteler II (1990)
August 29 - Erin Irene Kinnane (2000)
August 31 - Linda Engel Sebold (1949)

Happy Anniversary!
August 12 - Paul & Teri Boteler (1978)
August 13 - Bill & Dorothy Lacey (1986)
August 15 - Doug & Jennifer Kans (1992)
August 22 - Catherine & David Juracich (2009)

Index      All Celebrations

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An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong. She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." she asked him "if I died tomorrow would you get remarried?" he said "sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely." then she asked "well would you two live in this house?" he replied "sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage." she asked again, angry now "well would she sleep in this bed?" he snickered and said "yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it." she asked irately, "well would she use my golf clubs?" he replied with a straight, serious face "no. She's left handed."

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mment -    This page last modified on Saturday, August 01, 2015

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